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“If you are busy pleasing everyone, you are not being true to yourself”
– Jocelyn Murray
On my healing journey, I had the opportunity to clearly see and upgrade the old patterns that I had outgrown.
One of the hardest patterns I had to address was ‘people-pleasing’. Growing up I was a natural people pleaser and I would often put everyone else’s needs above my own.
This left me feeling unworthy, undeserving and unappreciated. It also led me to feel chronically exhausted and ultimately, a body breakdown.
This humbling experience made me pay attention to how I had been living my life.
With higher levels of awareness, I was able to notice this pattern and change it for the better.
This had a profound effect in my life.
Today, I feel blessed to be able to help other women to do the same.
Here are 3 ways that you can stop people-pleasing and start transforming your own life…
1. Notice what you are saying ‘yes’ to.
All transformation starts with the practice of awareness.
In a journal, write down all the times that you find yourself saying ‘yes’ to others.
Pay particular attention to the situations that you say ‘yes’ but, in your heart, you really don’t want to.
Are you simply saying ‘yes’ just to please other people at your own expense?
This simple awareness exercise can be transformative in and of itself.
Increasing your levels of self-awareness of your own behavioral patterns is the key to being able to change them.
2. Practice saying ‘no’.
It is essential that you find empowering ways to be able to say ‘no’ to other people. Especially when it comes from demanding bosses, friends or family.
As you say ‘no’ to others, you are giving yourself permission to say ‘yes’ to yourself and your dreams.
The good news is that there are many ways that you can do this...
I have found it useful to have a phrase that I can always defer to.
This means that you won’t emotionally default to a ‘yes’ response in the moment. And, it creates space to get clear on what you really want.
One of my favorite phrases is ‘Thanks for asking me. Let me check with my husband (or boyfriend/ wife/ boss/ sister/ dog sitter) and I’ll get back to you on that…”
Using this phrase can be really helpful in the beginning when you are learning and practicing how to say ‘no’.
In the beginning, saying ‘no’ might feel uncomfortable. Keep going, anyway.
I can assure you that it becomes easier with time.
And, it certainly doesn’t mean that it is wrong... Just that you require more practice! :)
3. Setting clear boundaries.
Something magical happens when we cultivate the courage to start setting clear boundaries.
When you start setting boundaries and communicating them to other people, expect them to act differently.
An inner change always creates an outer change. As you respect yourself, others will react differently to this ‘new’ you.
Notice any emotions that arise for you, particularly any uncomfortable ones.
If you experience any feelings of guilt, shame and/or fear, that’s okay. It's totally natural.
Just remind yourself that saying ‘no’ and setting boundaries is not a selfish act. It is a very necessary one.
In doing so, it will help you to reclaim your health and happiness.
It is possible to start being true to yourself.
Remember, that you are worthy and you are enough, just as you are. You don’t need to please others or prove anything to anyone else.
Saying ‘no’ to others and setting clear boundaries will allow you to say a much bigger ‘yes’ to yourself. As well as, your hopes and dreams.
Using these 3 tips can help you boost your own levels of self-esteem and self-worth.
And, live a life that feels true and authentic for you…
Are you a people-pleaser? What situations do you find yourself trying to please other people? What would happen if you started saying 'no' more often?
I'd love you to leave me a comment below...
With so much Love,
From my heart to yours,
Katrina Love Senn xo
PS. To Download Your FREE 15-Minute Healing Meditation Please Click Here>>>